(this was written prior to hex getting sick, but never released. you're welcome.)
I can already hear some of you niggas panties bunching up as you read the column title. Don't worry, this aint that. It's just that Drake shit got, what, over 130 comments? Seems like somebody struck a chord. Lots of discussion. So this is what we call a bait & switch.
HipHop's newest hero is safe from scrutiny today, you can all breathe a sigh of relief & pat your petticoats down. Besides, he shouted out SlumVillage & LittleBrother on that "FEAR" record & I can respect that.
Good job,label head.
There's so much dumb shit going on I honestly don't know where to start. This fucked up MaiaCampbell situation, TilaTequila supposedly gettin' strangled, Benzino rising from the dead, T-Pain attempting to ether Jay-Hova, & "certain" people not wanting the President to speak to their kids.
A lot of shit to choose from.
As usual, I decided "FUCK THAT SHIT."
I was tryin' to figure out what subject I was going to so eloquently expound upon today, when I saw a little jewel sparkling on twitter. Seems like Andreas Hale,the (former) executive editor of music for BET.COM was relieved of his duties today.
And Andreas aint goin' quietly.
BLACK WHISTLEBLOWER (pause)
Andreas wrote what I would like to call a "FUCK YOU" letter to BET,dropped some gems about the inner-workings of the network, & with just a few paragraphs confirmed everything I had always suspected about the Negro network. It IS owned by the Ku Klux Klan (just like Timberland & TROOP), RushLimbaugh IS the head of programming, The Deal IS a wack-ass show, & both watermelon farms & Antares Auto-Tune are their biggest sponsors.
Actually he didn't say any of that shit.
I just read between the lines.
Maybe they're just owned by Viacom.
So, with me being the helpful & considerate muthafucka I am, I decided to help my twother in twit out, & air some of the grievances that I & most humans with an I.Q. above 40 have with BlackEntertainmentTelevision.
First of all, what in the fuck is up with the non-musical programming?
Black people want to watch "BABY BOY" & "BEAUTY SHOP" every week?
Those are the BLACKBUSTER flicks?
& we're scared of midgets in little red devil suits?
"THE WAYANS BROTHERS"? What, four times a day?
I'm surprised they don't show "HOMEBOYS IN OUTERSPACE" marathons.
Because, you know, that's what WE like.
WHEN KEEPIN' IT REAL GOES WRONG
Look, I'm not about to comment on all those dumb-ass shows, like "COLLEGE HILL" "BALDWIN HILLS" or whatever the fuck else they got goin' on, because I've never seen that shit.
They might be better than "CSI" (yup, some black people watch "CSI". We sho' does.) or as fucked up as "HELL DATE". I have no idea. But I am gonna take a dump on the crud I have glimpsed.
I'm not hating on anybody for getting a check, but "TINY & TOYA"? "FRANKIE & NEFFIE"? These muthafuckas have LITERALLY given shows to celebrities family members.
At least Tiny used to be in
X-Scape. The Toya chick is cute & all,but she's gotta show because she was married to & has a baby by The Best Rapper Alive? (I always laugh when I type that)
Well,I guess they've got some guest stars coming because at last count T.B.R.A has what,two three new rugrats on the way? And two of those baby mama's were already famous.
Maybe BET will give them their own show,too.
Show the births & everything.
Call it "BABY MAMA DRAMA."
Fam, they gave a show to Keyshia Cole's MAMA & SISTER. Now, I fucks with Keyshia Cole. She got the goddamn look as far as I'm concerned.
But her MAMA & NEFFIE?
Shit,can Keri Hilson's mama get a show?
I better shut the fuck up.
I don't wanna give them any ideas.
LET THE MUSIC PLAY
I'll say this for 106 & Park,
they outlasted TRL.
They did it!
Now they're the undisputed wackest music video countdown show in America,
Now look, I fully understand that 106 & Park is for 12year olds, but I have to admit that shit is hilarious.
To turn on the TV & see an audience of mostly NewYorkCity kids doin' the StankyLegg, SwaggSurfin or Jerkin' or whatever's the new song/dance of the week is funny as fuck.
Watching Terrance & Rocsi digging for compliments to bestow on some of the wackest music on the planet is almost worth the time you've wasted turning to the channel.
I could shit on 106 & Park for about a week straight,but this aint really about the program, it's about the PROGRAMMING.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
What the fuck is this shit?
I understand they took RapCity off the air because they were playing the same wack-ass videos that 106 was, but this is what you replace it with?
This is supposed to be a "more progressive" HipHop show? These niggas show the same fucking shit as 106 & Park but they'll throw in a 30 second segment with Kidz In The Hall or somebody to seem "fair". I really don't have anything fucked up to say about MemphHitz or DJ DiamondCuts because they look as lost on the show as I am watching it.
And It comes on at 3am EST.
Well you know, most of us who like rap/HipHop don't have jobs or go to school anyway,so we can stay up that late.
BET wasn't always all fucked the fuck up,tho.
I know that's hard for a lot of people to believe, but it's true. BET had VideoSoul, VideoVibrations,TeenSummit, CaribbeanRhythms, Comic View, RapCity, BET news, & my ALL TIME favorite BET UNCUT (What That Thang Smell Like?).
They had well respected news anchors & tv personalities like DonnieSimpson,SherryCarter,
Ed Gordon, Harold McCoo, & Tavis Smiley, not to mention some of the most beautiful women of color in media. Rachel, Ananda Lewis, Free & Madeline-Muthafuckin'-Woods.
They took their jobs seriously & were intent on both being informative & entertaining.
I wonder what the fuck happened.
RAP CITY IN DECLINE
RapCity had a generic name, a goofy mayor & a gang of hosts;Chris "TheMayor" Thomas, that Hans nigga, PrinceDejour, JoeClaire, BigLez, BigTigger (TheBassment),
J-Nicks (the fuck was THAT about?),MadLinx & Q45.
There was a time when every MC wanted a chance to get into the booth on RapCity & spaz out. HipHop heads would watch it faithfully,& if you happened to miss an episode where a nigga blacked out-you would hear about it. The MC would treat their appearance like a badge of honor.
Cats were proud to have been there.
The last few years I avoided watching that shit like it was Oprah.
So what happened? Did we outgrow BET like it was SesameStreet or did it dumb itself down so much that we're too smart to comprehend it?
This shit is like stereotypes run amok.
BET likes dumb music.
They promote it & peddle it to kids like nickle bags of funk.
If you watch BET,they think you're dumb,too.
And I can PROVE it.
About 4 years ago Little Brother submitted a video for a record called "LOVIN' IT" featuring JoeScudda. BET rejected the video, stating that it was "TOO INTELLIGENT" for their viewers.
They basically said, "Hey, our demographic is too fucking stoopid to understand this shit." AND by default they basically said, "We only show dumb shit."
I don't know if anyone from BET would confirm this (I doubt it), but Phonte' from LittleBrother was invited to a cipher (with Kardinal Offishall & StatQuo) at the 2007 BET Awards, & he wore a shirt that said "TOO INTELLIGENT" to the actual award (what's a BET award called? A "SAMBO"?) ceremony.
He showed it to then VP of Entertainment, StephenHill.
IT'S NOT ALL BAD
To be fair,I don't hate everything on BET. They got "AMERICAN GANGSTER" & they show re-runs of "THE WIRE", & I aint mad at that. I always hear females talking about "THE GAME" & I know they show that,too.
Shit, even a garbage can catches a steak every now & then.
WHY SO SERIOUS
I know, I know. It's just TV.
No big deal.
You don't like it, don't watch the shit.
Point taken, but I can't shake the feeling that there's a bunch of white guys in a conference room at BET having content/ programming meetings where they ask for ideas.
"I mean, what do Blacks LIKE?"
Hands go up all around the room, & everybody starts talkin' at once.
"Rappers baby mama's!"
Maybe not exactly the way it goes, but that's the perception that I get. And as I re-read this the more I think Andreas Hale didn't get fired from a job, he got freed from a plantation.
We can do better.
Shit,we've got a Black President, a sho' nuff HNIC.
I wonder if he watches BET.
There's more to Black people than Top10 countdowns, new dances & bad sitcoms.
Sure, that shit might entertain & amuse us,but not in the way it was intended.
Gil Scott Heron was right, the revolution will not be televised.
Especially not on the Negro network.